Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
