Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
