Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
