I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
