i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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