we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
