I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
