yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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