i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
