addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
