I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
