I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
