I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
