I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
