I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
