Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
