the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
