I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
