I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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