Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
