i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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