This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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