we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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