I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My vagina just clenched in fear
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
