Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
