The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
