i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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