chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
