I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
