If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
