The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
