I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
