I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
