i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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