Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
