By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
