I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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