Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
