i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
