Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
