Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
