I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
