i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
