The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
