Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
