you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
