So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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