fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
