i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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