the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
